A Single Mom's Search for the Ocean

Nosy Neighbors

2009-06-07T01:12:00.002-04:00

So for those of you that don't know I had my appendix out last week due to a truly un wanted and un invited bout of appendicitis. This week has been less then fun....AS IF I NEEDED ONE MORE THING to deal with on top of everything else. Apparently God thinks I need some "buffering".....that's what I'm calling it these days. I'm not being broken or extremely tortured even though my feet may feel like it after working a double. He is "buffering" me....preparing me for something, though I don't know what yet. So why not put me flat on my back ( well I'm supposed to be on bed rest but yea I'm protesting in case you haven't gathered that I'm biting through the pain and trying to walk around )

Today was really my first day up and about......guess what I did? HOUSE HUNTING! My lease is up in less then a month. I have noooo clue where I am going. so why not take the time to go look at houses. *rolling my eyes* I have to admit that this really was a stupid idea on my part. I thought I was ready....but truly I was not. Let's just say I payed for it the rest of the night.

Ok mom's I have a funny story for you. Yesterday J.D. woke up before me and came and woke me up asking for juice and hot dogs! I of course got him the juice, said no to the hot dog and tried to feed him a healthy breakfast. I turned on veggie tales in my room for him and hobbled back to bed. I apparently drifted back to sleep (damn pain killers!) because the next thing I know my phone is ringing. It's my landlord asking me if I knew where J.D. was. I got snippy and defensive, " OF COURSE I KNOW WHERE HE IS WHAT KIND OF MOM DO YOU THINK I AM?!?!" I look over and he's gone. Veggies is still on but no J.D.....My stomach sinks and I asked her why. Someone called her saying they could see a little boy throwing toys out the window and saying "bye bye toys see your tomorrow." I try to get out of bed as quickly as possible with out pulling out stitches and sure enough there is my lil one playing in his room so nicely with his cars. I sighed in relief and told her whoever called her was crazy and thanks for calling but he was fine and just hung up. I was headed back to bed and decided to just check all the windows "just in case". SURE ENOUGH THAT LITTLE BUG HAD PUSHED HIS SCREEN OUT and there was a pile of toys at the bottom of our 2 story building. I looked out the window to see this mean looking old lady with her hands on her hips shaking her finger at me. God only knows what she was saying but I didn't want to hear it.

I just had surgery 4 days ago. I have 3 incisions and feel like some one is stabbing me in the stomach ever time I move and am trying to take care of a 2 yr old BY MYSELF. Bite me you old hag is what I wanted to say..... :) But I didn't. I had maint. come fix it within the hour....and he came bearing gifts....all of J.D's toys.

So does part of me feel like a bad mom because he could have fallen out the window? Yup..... I surely do. Reason #9,483,4r4,894,089,043 as to why being a single mom sucks. Do I believe that some how some way even though I was extremely irritated at that old lady for mean mugging me that some "higher power that be" used her to tell me JD was in danger? ABSOLUTELY.

Lesson for the day mom's: Make sure you screens do not pop out easy. Don't take pain pills that knock you out when your kid is around......never stop trusting God. He's got your back....and your kids back. LITERALLY....as I so humbly learned yesterday.

Susie is coming tomorrow! I can't wait. YAY!!!!!!!

I'm back....AGAIN

2009-06-06T18:27:00.002-04:00

My sister said it best the other day on my FACE BOOK...(that's right I finally got sucked into it.) that bed rest suits me well because I actually have time to stay in touch with people and get things done on the computer. CRAZY!

I will be honest....the last thing I want to do after I've worked 12-16 hours a day is come home and sit in front of the computer and type even more. Usually my brain is about mush and I'm ready for a bubble bath and glass of wine. (in my dreams I usually don't get past the couch)
BUT ALL THAT ASIDE.....I'm committing to staying on top of blogging. For the single purpose of it being extremely therapeutic and staying in touch with other single mom's a like. I know I'm not a lot in my everyday chaos, even though there are times I really feel like it......

So my dearest blogger single moms and sisters because this helps you stay on top of what's going on in my life as well.....yell at me if I start slacking? YAY FOR BLOGS!!!!

Pictures!

2009-02-27T17:35:00.000-05:00

J.D. didn't mind that I messed up on the first one!
This is him trying to steal the candles before I lit them!

I was trying to catch him and kiss him on the cheek but he turned his head and his father caught this!

Daddy and J.D.

J.D. 2nd Birthday

2009-02-27T17:09:00.000-05:00

His Birthday was a hit! Everyone got to my place before his dad brought him, that was a default but it all worked out well when he looked around the the room at everyone and smiled! Of course the cake and presents were the big hit! I made 2 cakes...one large and one smaller one. I messed up the writing on the small one so thankfully I had the 2nd large one and that turned out ok. So I'm not a professional cake maker, but I did what i could and everyone at it so that's what counts right?

His Dad stole the show with a balloons and a special Tigger that J.D. gasped and went "ohhhh" when he saw it! After everyone left we had dinner as a family and watched Veggie Tales. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT! HIS DAD ACTUALLY SAT AND WATCHED IT WITH US! I was waiting, really dreading him saying, "well I better get going." He stayed until J.D. was in bed and sleeping! It was a great day overall and a total relief after the last couple of days J.D. an I have had. I got a big hug and kiss before bed and he said, " I love you mommy night night" all by myself. Talk about making my heart melt! We actually felt like a family last night and I'm having a hard time keeping my emotions out of it. But, I will talk about that tomorrow...or later tonight. Everything is still "sinking in". Enjoy the pics! I had some camera issues in the beginning...turns out the lens was dirty so I only got a few good pics :(

I feel mean......

2009-02-25T23:28:00.000-05:00

Today was another "day" with J.D. thanks to all of you that gave me some helpfull feedback, Jenn referred me to a book that I plan on going to Barnes & Nobles and finding tomorrow. All day J.D. just did one naughty thing after another. He would not listen to me at all....he ran out in the street and although I was screaming at him in a panicked tone saying" J.D. STOP please listen to mommy DANGER DANGER" he turned around and looked at me, smirked and kept running. It was beautiful out today and I was feeling a bit better so I took him outside to play. he was running after the ball that had gone into the street.... Thankfully the car that was coming stopped when the ball rolled out in the road. J.D. really scared me....I could tell people were waiting to see how I reacted as soon as I caught up to him....I grabbed him by the hand and firmly told him that the rd was dangerous and walked back to our yard. I nelt down to his eye level and pointed to the rd and repeated my "dangerous" speech. I then picked him up and told him we were going inside to sit in time out because he did not listen to mommy. He was ofcourse upset and I felt so bad, but knew I couldnt' let him get away with it. He was muddy from playing out side so I redirected him and asked him if he wanted to play with bubbles in the bath tub and he was ok with that. Long story short.....he ended up having a fit because he didn't want his hair washed and he got soap in his eye because he smacked my hand as I was trying to rince his hair. At that point I had enough.....I can honestly tell you how many times I have spanked him and they are less then the 5 fingers on one hand, but today he deserved it and I didn't give it a second thought. I'm not sure who cried harder after it him or me. Everyone has a personal opinion on spanking, but for me it goes deeper then all the political/legalistic/socially exceptable crap. I called his father and he actually came right away {he was at work} to help me out. I can not tell you the relief that washed over me as he walked through my door and said " babe are you ok? what happened? " J.D. responds so well to him, it's mind blowing. I sat and listened and watched as his father pointed to the street and explained why J.D. couldn't play in it and then he made J.D. pick up his room that he completely destroyed in anger b/c I put him in time out countless times today. Then he asked J.D. if he wanted mommy to be sad and J.D. looked at me and shook his head and said " no mommy sad." Then he came and gave me a huge hug...as if to say I'm sorry. I know it get's better....but to be honest I'm so sick of hearing people say it. I want it to be better now. I'm sick of being mean and fighting with him everyday. If you only knew how many times I told J.D. to pick up his room you would be sick....and to watch him respond to his father telling him once? I didn't know which to do first, punch a wall or cry. After that I went and crawled in bed feeling defeated. The harsh reality of me being a single mom and it having it's effects on J.D. were quite apparent to me today... and it literally made me sick to my stomach. Did I mention that today was his fathers days to have him but he had to work so I kept him? Part of me wants to think that he is to little to understand what days are what, but after seeing how he responded today i know he has been acting so naughty because he's mad that he is here with me and not with his Dad. His dad kept asking me what was wrong, why was I crying and so upset and everything within me wanted to say, "This is what's wrong....you not being here to help me is what's wrong. You cheating on me and lying to me saying we would be a family...and then leaving me to raise our son and work 2 jobs to survive while you do your own thing...that's what's wrong." But I couldn't.... I know that I need to be greatful that we are on good terms again and that he came and got J.D. when I needed him to. Seeing J.D. respond to him so well was like salt in open wounds for me.....

My point in sharing this is not only to do some much needed venting, but because I know I'm not the only one who has had days where the mom reaches her whitts end. So many people put up so many fronts and pretend to have the "perfect lives" and they "love being mom's" one mom even went so far as saying, " I love my child to much to hit him. If anyone reaches that point they should not be a parent". I hate to say it but all the mom's I'm thinking of are people from Church....not just my church either. I think I may be opening pandoras box by saying that but I'm being honest...and real and that it what this blog is for....

I feel like I'm mean because I have to tell him no and redirect him all the time and I know that he will understand eventually, but that's not much comfort for today. So mom's, do you have any tips? What do you do when you feel like your about to lose it? When you have a screaming child who is hitting and kicking you because you told them "no" to something that could hurt them? If your going to tell me to count don't bother because I tried it and it doesn't work.

Tomorrow is his 2nd birthday.....and he is with his father. I haven't planned anything because of everything else going on in my life, a large group of people is the last thing I can handle. Does that make me a bad mom? I was thinking of making cup cakes and having my sister and her kids over tomorrow for lunch and then doing the birthday thing after and making it a small family affair. I will let you know how it goes....

MOMS I NEED YOUR HELP!

2009-02-23T22:59:00.000-05:00

As I said before J.D. is turning 2 this week....and I swear the boy is just trying to push my every button. He has been getting into EVERYTHING this past week. No joke...he's like a cyclone. Today for example.....we had just woken up and he wanted juice, so he decided to be Mr. independent and go to the fridge and get the juice. I'm still laying in bed, not knowing that he had gotten up until I feel something cold on my hand! I open my eyes just as he dumps the ENTIRE carton of juice on my arm and down comforter that is DRY CLEAN ONLY! Then I look over and see that he had brought in one of his cups and had taken off the lid and dumped out the soy milk on my bed. SOY MILK SMELLS SOOO BAD WHEN IT STARTS TO SPOIL. Not only did it seep through my blanket, down to my sheets but into the mattress. *sigh* THATS HOW MY DAY STARTED. By 3pm he had taken every toy out of his toy box and thrown it around the house, threw his ball at the wall and broke my favorite glass prince charming frog, knocked over my vanilla diffuser from Party Light that cost WAY TO MUCH MONEY, opened up 3 cans of cat food and smeared them into the carpet, dumped over the laundry basket with his neatly folded clothes in it, squirted out 1/2 a tube of toothpaste in the sink and got 1/4 of it on the BLACK cat, and last but not least he got a hold of crayons and drew on the dining room and living room walls and the t.v.! He also found his lotion and baby powder and dumped them all on the carpet and smeared them together. Then he went into the fridge and got out hot dogs and put them in the baby powder and proceeded to take things out of the refrigerator until I came out and saw what he was doing. CAN I CRY YET?!!?!?! Now you all are probably wondering where I was during this time that he could get into so much trouble right? Well let's face it, I can't keep my eye on him 24-7. However, I had put him in his room and put the baby gate up and thought it would be safe for me to take a shower with out him coming in and ripping the curtain open and letting all the water out of the tub! {that is his new favorite game} However, the lil bug piled up his toys and climbed over the gate and thus the destruction began. He got into the bathroom and did the toothpaste when I was trying to make him breakfast. I'm talking 30 mins tops for the above events. So mom's, I need your help. How am I going to get red and green crayon our of my walls?!?!!?!?!? Please tell me it gets better.....his father came to pick him up around 3pm and he still had not taken a nap. I have been trying to get him to sleep for almost 3 hrs. His dad looked at me and said, " Wow babe you look beat. Maybe you should go take a nap...." All I could do was laugh and shake my head. They left a little later and I collapsed in bed EXAUGHSTED trying to figure out how I'm going to get the crayon off the wall and the lotion/baby powder out of the rug. Any suggestions?

Slacking again....

2009-02-23T22:44:00.001-05:00

For those of you that have been following my blog, I apologize for the silence. Some things went down at work, one of my employees found my blog, and I needed to lay low for awhile. I will be changing my blog cite as soon as I have time. Thanks to all of you who have been commenting and encouraging me. I refuse to be defeated, however for the sake of keeping my job and personal life problems/issues off the front news of the paper in the agencies paper I need to lay low until I create a different page. I will be in touch soon. I have sooo much to tell you guys! J.D's 2nd birthday is this week! I will be back on post pictures and details.

Decisions

2009-01-05T22:20:00.000-05:00

It's the beginning of 2009, and of course everyone is doing some soul searching and setting goals and aspirations that they will most likely never accomplish {I'm being realistic and some what pessimistic so bare with me for a second} I was listening to everyone at work talk about their New Years resolutions and wanted to do something different. As tempted as I was to make a "To Do List" for the year.....I decided to go a bit deeper.

I am going to think....and pray before I make any major decisions. It may sound stupid.....but think about it. How often do you really sit down and think and pray about stuff before you react? I will be the first to admit I probably don't pray as much as I should, especially lately. Some of the things that have happened this year, especially the negative things are directly from me making poor decisions. Maybe if I had truly thought about some of the things before I did it and how it may effect my life in the long run....I would have made a wiser decision and not acted in the moment. I'm a bit impulsive and also have an addictive personality, which tends to get me into trouble in the long run. I'm going to do my best to apply this not only in my personal life, but at work as well. I think it will really help me become a better manager/leader and my employees will appreciate it in the long run. A good friend of mine sent me a text the other day that really opened my eyes to some things. He said, " You need to set an example for JD and for his future. You need to put your standards higher and not lower them because a past relationship didn't work out. Set a good example for him and show him how a woman needs to be treated. To care and love him is your job. Show him how strong you are and how life needs to be. It is your job too set the bar high and whatever man can reach it is going to be the one for you....." I can not even tell you how much that touched me. I have known it, but I needed to be reminded again. So on that note.....

I have two really cool things that have happened as a direct result of my little "resolution" and deciding to set the bar higher.

I was sitting at a table at a bar/grill waiting for one of my girls to join me. I had worked both jobs that day and was hungry and exhausted and still doing paper work at 11pm! the very cute waiter saw this and decided to strike up a conversation with me asking where my date was and why I was still working so late and blah blah blah.....he was a total schmoozer and distracted me for a good hour. I will be honest and say I had fun talking to him and he made me laugh really hard for the first time in a while. By the end of the night he had slipped me his number on a piece of paper. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE. No joke. I was so excited and totally wanted to text him. {for those of you that don't know I hate talking on the phone I do it so much at work I'm addicted to texting} BUT GUESS WHAT?!?!?! Instead of making a stupid impulsive decision....I stuck his number in my purse and decided to sleep on it. When I woke up the next day I was rested, not as grumpy and didn't have any vodka in my system....I decided that it would definitely not be a good idea to text him. I WAS CRAZY FOR EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT. *phew*

The second had to do with an employee at work. It was the end of the day and my patience was wearing this. I had already worked doubles 2 days in a row and was border line grumpy because I was so tired. HOWEVER, I had a smile on my face and got everything done on my "To Do " list that day. One of my employees walks in to start her shift and I smiled and greeted her and asked how she was. Not only did she not answer me, but she glared at me and then walked out. I was flabbergasted and totally annoyed. I went out in the kitchen and was waiting to see how she treated the individuals because if she was grumpy to them there was no way in hell that I was going to let her stay and work. She didn't even greet them. She looked at the shift assignment and sighed and then went into the laundry room. The phone then rang and of course it was for me and I was distracted for about a 1/2 hour. I walked back out on the floor to look for her and couldn't find her. Now I was really irritated because she was not in the house and she broke protocol by not asking me if she could leave. So, I went on the hunt and found her outside smoking. She looked miserable and everything within me wanted to yell at her....but as I went to open my mouth I got that funny feeling in my stomach, you know what one I'm talking about? It's that sense to just stop. Call it God, woman's intuition, conscious whatever....but I felt it and it stopped me dead in my tracks. I just went back inside. I didn't say a word to her. I literally opened up the door looked at her and then shut it and stood there THINKING. Do I send her home because of her nasty attitude? Or do I ask her what's wrong? After a few minuted of thinking I opened the door and all I said to her was, "Take your time you look like you need a couple extra minutes. If you need to talk I'm here." Don't you know that's all it took to get her to smile? She said, " thanks Mel I will be right in" and she came in my office after that and sat down and talked to me. She had to put her cat that she had for 15 years to sleep earlier that day and her grandma was in the hospital and she hadn't slept because she was taking care of her dying cat and in the emergency room with her grandma. She broke down and started crying and all I could do was hug her. The last 24 hours had been hell for her and she had to handle it all with no sleep and then came to work! I didn't know what to say....what can you say really? I'm sorry? Wow that sucks? Thanks for sucking it up and coming in? PSSHT! It was a wordless moment and I was so glad that I had taken those extra couple of minutes to THINK about how I was going to handle the situation, instead of acting in the moment when I was irritated and just sending her home like I had originally wanted to.

Those are just two so far....imagine how my life is going to be effected this year by me just taking some time and thinking before I react. Imagine if everyone took the time to truly think about their decisions and how their actions could effect the rest of their life and the people around them. How many marriages would be saved? How many hearts would not be broken due to a partner cheating on them? How many girls would not be single moms? How many people would not have drug problems because they just said "no" to that first hit? How many family's would still have their loved ones who were killed by a drunk driver? Truly our world is effected and runs on the decisions we make. I may only be one person, but hopefully my making a couple "right" decisions will make a difference.

Welcome to the world baby Kai!

2009-01-03T23:54:00.000-05:00

I played dress up with him as soon as I got there! I couldnt resist doing some shopping. His shirt says "tiny miracle"! ADORABLE
J.D. meeting his cousing for the first time.......

His first day home!

Kai right after he was born. He's holding tight to my finger!
Baby Kai right after he was born. He is 7lbs 1oz and 19inches long!

Christmas Pictures

2009-01-03T23:25:00.000-05:00

Aunt Bo-Bo and her baby! PRICELESS!

The amazing smile right after opening presents!

My other beautiful niece Katrina on Christmas morning.

Ben and Mika Jade.....

My baby in his Christmas best!

The Holidays and sweet baby surprises!

2009-01-03T21:37:00.000-05:00

They are finally over......believe it or not this is the first year that I'm a little relieved that they are over. No one was in the mood to celebrate this year, especially with Uncle Brian passing away so close to Christmas. Everyone showed up to mass this year and the entire family was together on Christmas Eve. It was special, but quiet. All the little ones helped people smile. My mom dressed up as "Mrs. Clause" and brought presents from Santa for all the little ones. I have pictures that I will post later. {sorry I don't have my camera with me}

Havie, my little sister in N.Z. called on Christmas eve and gave me the best news ever! She is officially engaged. SOO EXCITING! Words can not express how happy I am for her. There is something so special about being proposed to around Christmas....I'm so glad she got to experience it. It's hard to believe "my little girl" is all grown up and getting married.

My nephew Kai Lucas was born on New Year's Eve! Poor Sarah, she has had such a rough time of it the past month. She has had contractions on and off and been in the hospital I don't know how many times because of this little one! Well, he finally decided to grace us with his presence at 11:58am on new years eve. Of course he decided to come on a day that theres a winter storm warning and it took me FOREVER to get to the hospital. I had to park on the roof, practically in a snow bank! At that point I really didn't care. I don't think I have ever ran so fast in my life. I bolted down the stairs { I wasn't about to waste time waiting for the elevator} and my brother in law calls me to tell me that contractions are 30 seconds apart and to get my butt there ASAP because she needed me. They had just moved her out of triage and into a room when I walked in and she yells at me " It's about time" and I grabbed her hand and told her to push and Kai was born. My sister is officially my hero. No pain meds no nothing. Her Dr. didn't even have time to come! The baby is beautiful { I will post pictures of him later}. I couldn't have asked for a better way to end the year of 2008...........

Happy New Year!

I'm BACK!

2008-12-20T23:26:00.000-05:00

I'M ALIVE! Believe it or not......I'm back. Long story as to why I have been slacking lately, but I missed my blogging therapy, so here I am.

Christmas is 5 days away. WOW. Is it me, or did it sneak up really quickly this year?

So much has happened, I don't even know where to begin, so I will just babble about today.

I HAD A GREAT DAY! Work only called twice.....that's huge! { I still don't have a weekend manager so I am on call weekends as well} I got to go Christmas shopping, by myself which I really enjoyed. Go figure, the girl who has always had to have somebody with her... went shopping by herself and had fun! I got a lot accomplished and was able to stay in my budget. Want to know the best part? I got it all done while J.D. was at home napping. PERFECTION.

After he woke up we baked Christmas cookies and put on carols and danced around the kitchen and had lots of fun. Tonight memories were made. My little one is getting big enough that he can "help" me with baking, which is pretty scary, but exciting all at the same time.

I thought about my Uncle Brian a lot today. For some reason I can't stop thinking about him...... He was layed to rest on Thursday and everyone, including Grandad and Nana kissed his casket and said goodbye. It all seems so surreal...like it was a nightmare and I'm going to wake up anytime and he will not be gone. I answered my phone every time it rang today. I feel so bad that I never called him......he told Asha to tell me to call him because he knew I wouldn't answer my phone if he called me and I never made time to call him. I was to busy working. 5 days later, he died from a sudden heart attack. I'm going to have to live with the fact that I didn't make the time to call him when he asked me to....for the rest of my life.

With all that said, I've learned a valuable lesson this week. Live everyday like it was your last.....and never put family on the back burner, because you never know what will happen next.

Fun times at the park

2008-10-06T20:05:00.001-04:00

Publish Post

After being stuck in an office for 12 hours, I needed to be outside! So I got my two favorite boys and we played on the playground for 20 mins before the sun went down. It was great....exactly what the Dr. prescribed.

I found some pics!

2008-10-05T22:48:00.000-04:00

I found this one on my phone! Are we amazing our what? I will never live down that stupid costume.

It's been to long......

2008-10-04T09:57:00.000-04:00

I'm still alive! However, just barely. It took every ounce of energy to get myself out of bed and make J.D. breakfast today. Have you ever had one of those days? Your body is screaming at you not to move, but a little voice saying "Mama Mama eat eat....nana? waffle? juice?" somehow convinces you to get your butt moving! :) After working 14 days in a row your body starts to not cooperate!

So much has happened and I have so much to blog about! I don't know where to start! These past 2 weeks have been really tough. Another one of my manager went out on disability, so that's even more stress added onto the plate. I have 40 staff, and 7 managers underneath me to help with everything. As of right now I only have 4 managers, due to a lot of reasons that I don't feel like explaining. Bottom line is, I'm trying to complete three people work, including my own. It's not an easy task and it's taking a toll. Everyday before I go into work I sigh and breathe "God help me today" and somehow he gets me through. I'm so sick of work I don't even want to talk about it anymore....needless to say most of the reason I haven't been able to write is because I've been working and by the time I get home my head is pounding and all I can do is fall into bed.

On that note...I just got a call from work. Someone fell becasue a staff was not doing thier job correctly and now I have to go in and file 4 hours worth of paper work because of it.....I will write more later I Promise! I'm going to a wedding tonight. I will post pictures!

2008-09-24T21:19:00.000-04:00

Publish Post

These are some fun picture from this weekend. J.D, Ben and Mika-Jade. these are my baby's! Note to self, never take two toddlers and an 8yr old to the museum by yourself, especially when there is water around. Needless to say they ended up soaked!

An amazing way to start your day......

2008-09-18T17:40:00.000-04:00

I don't know about any of you, but at 5:30am I'm pretty much a zombie. I was doing my usual thing this morning getting ready and staring at my closet trying to decide what I was going to wear for the day, when I noticed that it was quiet....to quiet. I don't know how he does it, but even at 5:30am J.D. has energy and I can usually hear him playing or talking to the kitten or singing the veggie tales song. But this morning, I couldn't hear him.......

I got that gut feeling.....mom's you know what I'm talking about! That feeling that something isn't right and I need to go check it right this moment or the house might burn down! I'm sure you all have gotten it at one point or another. Anyway.....I came out of my room and looked in the living room and dining room and kitchen....all were empty. I then noticed that bathroom door is shut. Uhh-ooh.....I slowly open the door and there is J.D. standing on top of the toilet seat on his tippy-toes leaning into the sink....playing with two toothbrushes! I then realized my white sink had a black fuzzy thing in it playing in the water{ I have no clue how the water got turned on}.....which ended up being my kitten! Apparently I have two kids now! I couldn't help but laugh as I looked at JD soaked from head to toe and see the toilet seat open....and water was splashed everywhere {I'm thinking that he was playing in the toilet with the toothbrushes...ewww} Thankfully I had a spare toothbrush in the closet so I was able to laugh about it! My little one never ceases to amaze me. He's learning to shut the doors now when he's doing something he shouldn't be.....this could be trouble!

Side note......my boss apologised and the employee I originally suspended will be suspended again tomorrow, this time for good. *phew*

J.D. had to have a chest x-ray today. remember that horrible fever he had last weekend? Well, it went into a virus that he hasn't been able to kick....turns out he has pneumonia. Viral.....thankfully it's not bacterial other wise we would be in the hospital right now. I told J.D. no more playing in puddles or out in the rain...even if it is 80 outside because this is how it all started. Lesson learned! Trying to keep this blog light....but mom's let me tell you if you've never had to get one done on your kid before be thankful. It was awful. MOVING ON......

I finally got the net! OMG...it's taken me forever, but I got my computer back and OMG I actually have cable to. Amazing. Thank you Heritage for the raise that is now paying for it. Digital Camera is next on the list! I'm getting over being bitter about losing it in Florida. It's time for a new one!

Kate is in town.....we are having a Finney Chicks reunion tonight. Should prove to be interesting. 2 of us have kids now.....WIERD. I will let you all know how it goes.

WWE in my living room.....

2008-09-14T17:07:00.000-04:00

That's right, you read the title correctly! I discovered that my 19th month old knows how to wrestle. Not just the normal baby wrestling, he actually pinned a 6"4 over 200lb 25 year old to the ground. Normally I would say this is impossible, SOEMBODY I have no clue who, has taught him the 2 spots to go for. The nuts and the head.....no joke. He pounced on him, got Nate to roll over and then dove onto his head, causing Nate's head/nose to smash into the ground and then J.D. sat on top of his head....and thus J.D. pinned Nate to the ground

It was hysterical......... Nate was in pain and for once could not torture any of us. Haha, I love karma. What goes around comes around! Nate, is the big brother you either love to pieces one day or can't stand the next day because he teases you relentlessly and just doesn't go away. Unfortunately he's not my big brother.....but he may as well be. Him and J.D. have a pretty special relationship. Nate been talking to J.D. since I found out I was pregnant. Everyday, Nate would poke and prod my stomach and talk to J.D. and tell him all the things he was going to do to "torture" and "tease" him when he came out. Those are amazing memories. An even greater thing, is to see them playing together and wrestling on the floor and J.D. finally putting Nate in his place!

This weekend has been busy! I worked 8-4 on Saturday....I lost count of how many hours I worked this week once it past 60. Then I ate dinner with the "fam" {MM, GG, Nate and Beth the family that took care of JD while I was in NZ. We used to live with them} Spent time with J.D. got him ready for bed, then headed out for a girls night! Laura was working so we went to the cheesecake factory and sat in her section for over 2 1/2 hours just chit chatting. It was so nice to just sit back and relax and laugh! Laughs are far and few between these days, especially this week. We went out dancing and met up with an old friend for her bachelorette party. They were playing 80's music for a good part of the night. I was so out of my element and dancing....if you want to call me bobbing my head and doing a shimmy every now and then dancing! It was a lot of fun. Got home around 3am got up at 8am was going to attempt to go to church, but as I was getting JD ready he was running away from me doing the chasing game, tripped on a toy and fell right into an island counter in the kitchen. He now had a bruise line starting from his for head down to his chin and a black eye with a huge goose egg on his eyebrow. I started crying with him....I felt so bad. I can only imagine how much that hurt. But he is a trooper and it hasn't seem to phase him that much.

I then received a phone call from work asking me if I was coming to one of the individuals party. I stated that I was thinking about it and the girl told me to dress up because it was "diamond theme" and everyone was wearing old prom dresses. GREAT! It was 11:30am when I got that phone call and the party started at 2:30. Thankfully, my dress that I wore in Katie's wedding was here at the house and I ran upstairs hoping that it fit. I was 4 months pregnant when she got married. I put it on......and it completely fell off of me. I have no more boobs to support it. It was so depressing. It pretty much fit everywhere else, but there and it's strapless. After an hour of playing with it and damning whoever it was that planned a party on a Sunday therefor making me go on my day off {I'm the residence manager....it's pretty much a given I have to be at every big function} MM came to the rescue with double sided tape. That's right girls.....I taped the dress up. After trying to manipulate the dress instead of being defeated I just started laughing because of how ridiculous this all was. Long story short, the dress stayed up through the party! I had one scare where the tape just fell off in the front and I could feel it making its way down the inside of my dress but I was able to sneak away and fix it before anything disastrous happened.

It's been a great weekend. I'm exhausted....but it was well worth it. J.D. and I are off for a walk by the lake to watch the sunset!

Loving Your Enemies......geting over the past

2008-09-10T16:02:00.000-04:00

I did something today that I thought I would never be able to do ever again.....I did something nice for James{Jacob's father}...sporadically. Not because I needed something or wanted something....just because. I have no idea where this came from. It's not like I was having this amazing day. I've been stuck in meetings all day and actually am fighting a migraine, HOWEVER I was in the area and I got the idea in my head to just drop off some coffee and a little something else that I used to buy for him all the time.

A little history......

James is a manager at a restaurant.....he got the job because I went in, talked to a person that I new worked there and brought him an application. 3 months later I found out he was cheating on me with one of the servers..... The amazing part of the story is that I found out I was pregnant 2 days before I found out he was cheating on me. This restaurant and the people with in it have caused more trauma and devastation in my life then one person needs to endure. To think, I actually got him the job there make me sick. It should be called "The Whore House". We were off and on for about a year after that...one day I loved him the other day I hated him.....in the mean time he kept hooking up with all the servers in the restaurant { I know of at least 6}. After finding that out and realizing those people that I thought were my friends knew all along that he was STILL cheating on me but never said a word when we hung out, I vowed to never step foot in that place ever again and cut off all ties with everyone.

I've been working on forgiving him, however he has not exactly made it easy for me. He made me believe that he truly loved me....that we could be the family I have always dreamed of. He proposed and had me believing that he had changed later that night when I got out of work and couldn't sleep I went over and walked in on him sleeping with yet another girl....with our son in the bassinet next to the bed, he left me 20,000 dollars in debt, broke my heart, GOT ME PREGNANT {yea I know I had a part in it too}, dislocated my shoulder, crashed my car, cheated on me countless times.....{the list goes on but I'm stopping there because I'm getting angry} But honestly, when is it ever easy?

Today....I walked in there with my chin up and smile on my face making the choice to put it all behind me. I was shaking like a leaf and relieved to not see his girlfriend in the dining room. { I knew she was there because her car was in the parking lot} I had called and asked him to come meet me in the dining room and he said no that he had stuff to do. At first I let that get to me and was really hurt which quickly turned to anger and I wanted to throw the coffee at his car window, but I pushed it to the side and decided I was going in anyway. I was in there for about 2.5 seconds, no joke. I smiled at the hostess handed her the things for him said it was for James. She looked puzzled and I smiled and told her to have a good day and really did mean it. Heart pounding, hands shaking I stood there and looked around before leaving. I did it. I conquered something I thought I would never be able to do.

It may sound little, but it was a huge step for me. Knowing him he may think nothing of it....he may even think it was from one of his other little whores he has on the side but oh well. I'm on the road to recovery, although I'm not sure if I will ever truly get over everything that happened. At least I made a step in the right direction today......

A sleepless weekend.....

2008-09-06T20:23:00.000-04:00

In a perfect world weekends are supposed to be relaxing and "time away" from your mon-friday working job. You may even have "fun" if you plan things right. I'm waiting for that to happen. I probably shouldn't be blogging right now because I'm exhausted and totally annoyed. It's Saturday night and every single one of my friends EVEN THOSE THAT ARE HOME BODIES! Are going out. Everything from birthday party's, to houseboat party's to just stupid wrestling and chilling with the guys night...... and I'm at home with a fussy child who keeps spiking a temp between 102-104 and giving me a heart attack. I have had to run and dunk him in a look-warm bath several times in the past 24 hours to try and get his fever down. Of course this was not welcomed and I ended up being punched, kicked and hit in the face several times. It all started yesterday when I got out of work.....

I walked into the back yard of the in-home day care he goes to and saw that he was laying down behind the slide playing with the sand. I thought it was odd but thought nothing of it until I saw him coming towards me and knew something was up. I got him home and took his temp and sure enough he had a fever of 103.3! Thank God for children's Tylenol and Advil that I had in the medicine cupboard {the great thing about being ocd and always having to be prepared it does come in handy sometimes} I immediately made the decision to stay home. It was my friend Darell's birthday and a bunch of people were going out and my girls were going to be my "wing men" but my baby got sick....and he trumps all!

I got it his fever down a little bit as the night went on, but he woke up around 12:30am crying. I went in to get him and sure enough he was drenched in sweat and he had a 104.2 I was trying so hard not to panic because I know that is high enough to send him into having a seizure. I see them almost everyday at work I think I would come un-raveled if I ever saw him have one. The punch in the mouth I got when I stuck him in the water definitely woke me up! Anyway I was up with him almost all night because he was tossing and turning and whimpering in his sleep. I slept in my clothes ready to take him to the hospital. Thankfully it didn't come to that. He still has a high fever and seems a bit congested but not really. It's so odd! I'm hoping for an un-eventful night.

On a more positive note......I cleaned my apt {like total scrub down spring cleaning} and got 8 loads of laundry done! YESSSS! don't ask how I got that much......because I honestly don't know. I did all of our bedding so that added alot.

J.D. helped me back cookies for the first time today! He was attached to my hip because of not feeling well so of course he had to help. It was fun though. I made a double batch of snicker doodles and chocolate chip peanut butter cookies. Am I crazy for letting my sick child help? Maybe....the "germ-a-phoebe alarm" was definitely going off inside my head{Susie I just saw you role your eyes}.....but I wasn't going to eat any and there was no snot, drool or any other body fluid coming from him so why not? I wish I had a camera to show you how adorable he was sitting on the counter throwing sugar and cinnamon everywhere. Have you ever had a moment where you were completely happy? Were you able to pause and recognise it and come to the conclusion that it was all worth it? Well I had that kind of a moment today when he was helping me bake and blowing me kisses in between throwing sugar at me. It was awesome. It definitely made my sleepless night well worth it. About a year ago I would have been absolutely miserable for missing such a huge party weekend and having to be stuck home with a sick child. But today was a good day, though a bit stressful.....I have come to enjoy the quiet times where I get a cuddle or two and am finding joy in the little things, like baking cookies and making a mess in the kitchen!

Going Home......

2008-08-29T17:48:00.000-04:00

The time has come for me to return home.......

It's bitter sweet this time, but I'm ready to go home. I've never been away from Jacob thsi long and it's killing me. I hate saying goodbye, especially to the people I love. It has never been easy for me and I will probaby do my classic "just hurry and say goodbye before you start crying" rush through customs, find my seat ont he airplane and start sobbing.....we've been down this road before.

Returning to NY means back to reality. Back to work, back to stress, back to putting JD in Day Care and the never ending duties of being a single mom. I can't wait to see Jacob but I know that he's going to be mad at me for leaving and will probably act rotten the entire day I come back, because that's how he deals with my leaving him. It sucks.... However, I'm going back rested and refreshed and even more determined to succeed.

Princess and the Toad.......

2008-08-28T07:38:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning and darted out of bed to call J.D. in hopes that I would catch him before he started eating dinner. {New Zealand is a day ahead of NY} One thing I have learned about him since I have been away is that you can not come between him and his food. It does not matter that mommy is 1/2 a world away and he has not seen me in over a week. When he's eating he's eating and does not want to be bothered, END OF STORY!

I lucked out this morning and got him right as he was finishing and getting ready for a bath. There is nothing like the sound of your child's voice saying "mama" and hearing him say " I love you". It was a great way to start off my day.

MM, who is like a grandma to JD and is taking care of him while I'm away gave me the "scoop" on his adventures for the day. One of which included him discovering a baby toad. Apparently he thought it was the best thing since sliced bread and was squealing and having the time of his life playing with it. Boy, am I in trouble. If he is discovering "creatures" and having this much fun with toads at 18 months....what is to come in the near future? I am a princess when it comes to animals and really just can't be bothered with them. {except for kittens} Especially, when they are slimy and really ugly. I'm actually quite relieved that I wasn't there for his discovery of toads. I can assure you that as much as I am waiting for my "Prince" I will not be coming in touch with any toads to find him......even if it's pure entertainment for my son. Toads today God only knows what it will be tomorrow. Oh the beauty of having a toddler.......................

The Ocean.......

2008-08-27T00:30:00.000-04:00

Have you ever just sat by the ocean and done nothing? If you know me at all, you would know that it is one of my favorite things to do. I can sit and do absolutely nothing but stare at the ocean for hours. There is just something about the sound of the waves crashing on the sand and being able to close your eyes and listen to the soothing sound that is just so relaxing to me. It is a stress free zone for me, which is really hard for me to find these days.

It has been almost 2 years since I have been able to sit on "my beach" here in New Zealand and just relax. I spent 6 hours there today just "catching up." I climbed one of the mountains/cliffs over looking the ocean and that took about an hour. If you keeping hiking you get to a private beach that is covered in white sand and penguins like to hang out there occasionally. At least they used too a couple of years ago. It's absolutely amazing and well worth the treacherous hike. I didn't quite make it that far because I had the brilliant idea of hiking with flip-flops on and I kept getting stuck in the mud....literally! After almost losing my footing a couple of times and knowing that the edge of the cliff was to close for comfort I decided to find a bench and stay perched for awhile.

I walked away today feeling rested and at peace.....which is something I have not felt since the day I found out I was pregnant. The constant turmoil that has been present for the past 2 years stopped and I actually felt at peace. I found myself being able to pray for the first time in only God knows how long. I have a bad habit of bottling things up and keeping all my emotions inside until I blow up.....and usually end up slamming cupboards, doors or something that makes a loud noise. Today, I was able to let everything out.....and dumped it into the ocean. No loud noises, no cupboards.....just sitting and praying and asking that God just take away the burdens I have been trying to carry by myself for so long. When I'm by the ocean I can't help but do that. Now, I just need to find a way to bring the peace I've found.....and a bit of the ocean back with me to NY. If you have any ideas let me know. :)

This would be the first post

2008-08-25T06:58:00.000-04:00

But it's by Susie from Be Strong and Courageous, Melody's best friend/adopted sister.

This is Melody's attempt to keep in contact with me, my sisters, and my family.

We love her son, JD to pieces, and since he lives a continent and an ocean away from us, she MUST post pictures, MUST write about him, and MUST find some relief and therapy in this blogging world.

Because that's what Susie gets out of it....