Going Home......

The time has come for me to return home.......

It's bitter sweet this time, but I'm ready to go home. I've never been away from Jacob thsi long and it's killing me. I hate saying goodbye, especially to the people I love. It has never been easy for me and I will probaby do my classic "just hurry and say goodbye before you start crying" rush through customs, find my seat ont he airplane and start sobbing.....we've been down this road before.

Returning to NY means back to reality. Back to work, back to stress, back to putting JD in Day Care and the never ending duties of being a single mom. I can't wait to see Jacob but I know that he's going to be mad at me for leaving and will probably act rotten the entire day I come back, because that's how he deals with my leaving him. It sucks.... However, I'm going back rested and refreshed and even more determined to succeed.

Princess and the Toad.......

I woke up this morning and darted out of bed to call J.D. in hopes that I would catch him before he started eating dinner. {New Zealand is a day ahead of NY} One thing I have learned about him since I have been away is that you can not come between him and his food. It does not matter that mommy is 1/2 a world away and he has not seen me in over a week. When he's eating he's eating and does not want to be bothered, END OF STORY!

I lucked out this morning and got him right as he was finishing and getting ready for a bath. There is nothing like the sound of your child's voice saying "mama" and hearing him say " I love you". It was a great way to start off my day.

MM, who is like a grandma to JD and is taking care of him while I'm away gave me the "scoop" on his adventures for the day. One of which included him discovering a baby toad. Apparently he thought it was the best thing since sliced bread and was squealing and having the time of his life playing with it. Boy, am I in trouble. If he is discovering "creatures" and having this much fun with toads at 18 months....what is to come in the near future? I am a princess when it comes to animals and really just can't be bothered with them. {except for kittens} Especially, when they are slimy and really ugly. I'm actually quite relieved that I wasn't there for his discovery of toads. I can assure you that as much as I am waiting for my "Prince" I will not be coming in touch with any toads to find him......even if it's pure entertainment for my son. Toads today God only knows what it will be tomorrow. Oh the beauty of having a toddler.......................

The Ocean.......

Have you ever just sat by the ocean and done nothing? If you know me at all, you would know that it is one of my favorite things to do. I can sit and do absolutely nothing but stare at the ocean for hours. There is just something about the sound of the waves crashing on the sand and being able to close your eyes and listen to the soothing sound that is just so relaxing to me. It is a stress free zone for me, which is really hard for me to find these days.

It has been almost 2 years since I have been able to sit on "my beach" here in New Zealand and just relax. I spent 6 hours there today just "catching up." I climbed one of the mountains/cliffs over looking the ocean and that took about an hour. If you keeping hiking you get to a private beach that is covered in white sand and penguins like to hang out there occasionally. At least they used too a couple of years ago. It's absolutely amazing and well worth the treacherous hike. I didn't quite make it that far because I had the brilliant idea of hiking with flip-flops on and I kept getting stuck in the mud....literally! After almost losing my footing a couple of times and knowing that the edge of the cliff was to close for comfort I decided to find a bench and stay perched for awhile.

I walked away today feeling rested and at peace.....which is something I have not felt since the day I found out I was pregnant. The constant turmoil that has been present for the past 2 years stopped and I actually felt at peace. I found myself being able to pray for the first time in only God knows how long. I have a bad habit of bottling things up and keeping all my emotions inside until I blow up.....and usually end up slamming cupboards, doors or something that makes a loud noise. Today, I was able to let everything out.....and dumped it into the ocean. No loud noises, no cupboards.....just sitting and praying and asking that God just take away the burdens I have been trying to carry by myself for so long. When I'm by the ocean I can't help but do that. Now, I just need to find a way to bring the peace I've found.....and a bit of the ocean back with me to NY. If you have any ideas let me know. :)

This would be the first post

But it's by Susie from Be Strong and Courageous, Melody's best friend/adopted sister.

This is Melody's attempt to keep in contact with me, my sisters, and my family.


We love her son, JD to pieces, and since he lives a continent and an ocean away from us, she MUST post pictures, MUST write about him, and MUST find some relief and therapy in this blogging world.

Because that's what Susie gets out of it....