I'm BACK!

I'M ALIVE! Believe it or not......I'm back. Long story as to why I have been slacking lately, but I missed my blogging therapy, so here I am.

Christmas is 5 days away. WOW. Is it me, or did it sneak up really quickly this year?

So much has happened, I don't even know where to begin, so I will just babble about today.

I HAD A GREAT DAY! Work only called twice.....that's huge! { I still don't have a weekend manager so I am on call weekends as well} I got to go Christmas shopping, by myself which I really enjoyed. Go figure, the girl who has always had to have somebody with her... went shopping by herself and had fun! I got a lot accomplished and was able to stay in my budget. Want to know the best part? I got it all done while J.D. was at home napping. PERFECTION.

After he woke up we baked Christmas cookies and put on carols and danced around the kitchen and had lots of fun. Tonight memories were made. My little one is getting big enough that he can "help" me with baking, which is pretty scary, but exciting all at the same time.

I thought about my Uncle Brian a lot today. For some reason I can't stop thinking about him...... He was layed to rest on Thursday and everyone, including Grandad and Nana kissed his casket and said goodbye. It all seems so surreal...like it was a nightmare and I'm going to wake up anytime and he will not be gone. I answered my phone every time it rang today. I feel so bad that I never called him......he told Asha to tell me to call him because he knew I wouldn't answer my phone if he called me and I never made time to call him. I was to busy working. 5 days later, he died from a sudden heart attack. I'm going to have to live with the fact that I didn't make the time to call him when he asked me to....for the rest of my life.

With all that said, I've learned a valuable lesson this week. Live everyday like it was your last.....and never put family on the back burner, because you never know what will happen next.

Fun times at the park

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After being stuck in an office for 12 hours, I needed to be outside! So I got my two favorite boys and we played on the playground for 20 mins before the sun went down. It was great....exactly what the Dr. prescribed.

I found some pics!

I found this one on my phone! Are we amazing our what? I will never live down that stupid costume.

It's been to long......

I'm still alive! However, just barely. It took every ounce of energy to get myself out of bed and make J.D. breakfast today. Have you ever had one of those days? Your body is screaming at you not to move, but a little voice saying "Mama Mama eat eat....nana? waffle? juice?" somehow convinces you to get your butt moving! :) After working 14 days in a row your body starts to not cooperate!

So much has happened and I have so much to blog about! I don't know where to start! These past 2 weeks have been really tough. Another one of my manager went out on disability, so that's even more stress added onto the plate. I have 40 staff, and 7 managers underneath me to help with everything. As of right now I only have 4 managers, due to a lot of reasons that I don't feel like explaining. Bottom line is, I'm trying to complete three people work, including my own. It's not an easy task and it's taking a toll. Everyday before I go into work I sigh and breathe "God help me today" and somehow he gets me through. I'm so sick of work I don't even want to talk about it anymore....needless to say most of the reason I haven't been able to write is because I've been working and by the time I get home my head is pounding and all I can do is fall into bed.

On that note...I just got a call from work. Someone fell becasue a staff was not doing thier job correctly and now I have to go in and file 4 hours worth of paper work because of it.....I will write more later I Promise! I'm going to a wedding tonight. I will post pictures!

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These are some fun picture from this weekend. J.D, Ben and Mika-Jade. these are my baby's! Note to self, never take two toddlers and an 8yr old to the museum by yourself, especially when there is water around. Needless to say they ended up soaked!

An amazing way to start your day......

I don't know about any of you, but at 5:30am I'm pretty much a zombie. I was doing my usual thing this morning getting ready and staring at my closet trying to decide what I was going to wear for the day, when I noticed that it was quiet....to quiet. I don't know how he does it, but even at 5:30am J.D. has energy and I can usually hear him playing or talking to the kitten or singing the veggie tales song. But this morning, I couldn't hear him.......

I got that gut feeling.....mom's you know what I'm talking about! That feeling that something isn't right and I need to go check it right this moment or the house might burn down! I'm sure you all have gotten it at one point or another. Anyway.....I came out of my room and looked in the living room and dining room and kitchen....all were empty. I then noticed that bathroom door is shut. Uhh-ooh.....I slowly open the door and there is J.D. standing on top of the toilet seat on his tippy-toes leaning into the sink....playing with two toothbrushes! I then realized my white sink had a black fuzzy thing in it playing in the water{ I have no clue how the water got turned on}.....which ended up being my kitten! Apparently I have two kids now! I couldn't help but laugh as I looked at JD soaked from head to toe and see the toilet seat open....and water was splashed everywhere {I'm thinking that he was playing in the toilet with the toothbrushes...ewww} Thankfully I had a spare toothbrush in the closet so I was able to laugh about it! My little one never ceases to amaze me. He's learning to shut the doors now when he's doing something he shouldn't be.....this could be trouble!

Side note......my boss apologised and the employee I originally suspended will be suspended again tomorrow, this time for good. *phew*

J.D. had to have a chest x-ray today. remember that horrible fever he had last weekend? Well, it went into a virus that he hasn't been able to kick....turns out he has pneumonia. Viral.....thankfully it's not bacterial other wise we would be in the hospital right now. I told J.D. no more playing in puddles or out in the rain...even if it is 80 outside because this is how it all started. Lesson learned! Trying to keep this blog light....but mom's let me tell you if you've never had to get one done on your kid before be thankful. It was awful. MOVING ON......

I finally got the net! OMG...it's taken me forever, but I got my computer back and OMG I actually have cable to. Amazing. Thank you Heritage for the raise that is now paying for it. Digital Camera is next on the list! I'm getting over being bitter about losing it in Florida. It's time for a new one!

Kate is in town.....we are having a Finney Chicks reunion tonight. Should prove to be interesting. 2 of us have kids now.....WIERD. I will let you all know how it goes.

WWE in my living room.....

That's right, you read the title correctly! I discovered that my 19th month old knows how to wrestle. Not just the normal baby wrestling, he actually pinned a 6"4 over 200lb 25 year old to the ground. Normally I would say this is impossible, SOEMBODY I have no clue who, has taught him the 2 spots to go for. The nuts and the head.....no joke. He pounced on him, got Nate to roll over and then dove onto his head, causing Nate's head/nose to smash into the ground and then J.D. sat on top of his head....and thus J.D. pinned Nate to the ground

It was hysterical......... Nate was in pain and for once could not torture any of us. Haha, I love karma. What goes around comes around! Nate, is the big brother you either love to pieces one day or can't stand the next day because he teases you relentlessly and just doesn't go away. Unfortunately he's not my big brother.....but he may as well be. Him and J.D. have a pretty special relationship. Nate been talking to J.D. since I found out I was pregnant. Everyday, Nate would poke and prod my stomach and talk to J.D. and tell him all the things he was going to do to "torture" and "tease" him when he came out. Those are amazing memories. An even greater thing, is to see them playing together and wrestling on the floor and J.D. finally putting Nate in his place!

This weekend has been busy! I worked 8-4 on Saturday....I lost count of how many hours I worked this week once it past 60. Then I ate dinner with the "fam" {MM, GG, Nate and Beth the family that took care of JD while I was in NZ. We used to live with them} Spent time with J.D. got him ready for bed, then headed out for a girls night! Laura was working so we went to the cheesecake factory and sat in her section for over 2 1/2 hours just chit chatting. It was so nice to just sit back and relax and laugh! Laughs are far and few between these days, especially this week. We went out dancing and met up with an old friend for her bachelorette party. They were playing 80's music for a good part of the night. I was so out of my element and dancing....if you want to call me bobbing my head and doing a shimmy every now and then dancing! It was a lot of fun. Got home around 3am got up at 8am was going to attempt to go to church, but as I was getting JD ready he was running away from me doing the chasing game, tripped on a toy and fell right into an island counter in the kitchen. He now had a bruise line starting from his for head down to his chin and a black eye with a huge goose egg on his eyebrow. I started crying with him....I felt so bad. I can only imagine how much that hurt. But he is a trooper and it hasn't seem to phase him that much.

I then received a phone call from work asking me if I was coming to one of the individuals party. I stated that I was thinking about it and the girl told me to dress up because it was "diamond theme" and everyone was wearing old prom dresses. GREAT! It was 11:30am when I got that phone call and the party started at 2:30. Thankfully, my dress that I wore in Katie's wedding was here at the house and I ran upstairs hoping that it fit. I was 4 months pregnant when she got married. I put it on......and it completely fell off of me. I have no more boobs to support it. It was so depressing. It pretty much fit everywhere else, but there and it's strapless. After an hour of playing with it and damning whoever it was that planned a party on a Sunday therefor making me go on my day off {I'm the residence manager....it's pretty much a given I have to be at every big function} MM came to the rescue with double sided tape. That's right girls.....I taped the dress up. After trying to manipulate the dress instead of being defeated I just started laughing because of how ridiculous this all was. Long story short, the dress stayed up through the party! I had one scare where the tape just fell off in the front and I could feel it making its way down the inside of my dress but I was able to sneak away and fix it before anything disastrous happened.

It's been a great weekend. I'm exhausted....but it was well worth it. J.D. and I are off for a walk by the lake to watch the sunset!

Loving Your Enemies......geting over the past

I did something today that I thought I would never be able to do ever again.....I did something nice for James{Jacob's father}...sporadically. Not because I needed something or wanted something....just because. I have no idea where this came from. It's not like I was having this amazing day. I've been stuck in meetings all day and actually am fighting a migraine, HOWEVER I was in the area and I got the idea in my head to just drop off some coffee and a little something else that I used to buy for him all the time.

A little history......

James is a manager at a restaurant.....he got the job because I went in, talked to a person that I new worked there and brought him an application. 3 months later I found out he was cheating on me with one of the servers..... The amazing part of the story is that I found out I was pregnant 2 days before I found out he was cheating on me. This restaurant and the people with in it have caused more trauma and devastation in my life then one person needs to endure. To think, I actually got him the job there make me sick. It should be called "The Whore House". We were off and on for about a year after that...one day I loved him the other day I hated him.....in the mean time he kept hooking up with all the servers in the restaurant { I know of at least 6}. After finding that out and realizing those people that I thought were my friends knew all along that he was STILL cheating on me but never said a word when we hung out, I vowed to never step foot in that place ever again and cut off all ties with everyone.

I've been working on forgiving him, however he has not exactly made it easy for me. He made me believe that he truly loved me....that we could be the family I have always dreamed of. He proposed and had me believing that he had changed later that night when I got out of work and couldn't sleep I went over and walked in on him sleeping with yet another girl....with our son in the bassinet next to the bed, he left me 20,000 dollars in debt, broke my heart, GOT ME PREGNANT {yea I know I had a part in it too}, dislocated my shoulder, crashed my car, cheated on me countless times.....{the list goes on but I'm stopping there because I'm getting angry} But honestly, when is it ever easy?

Today....I walked in there with my chin up and smile on my face making the choice to put it all behind me. I was shaking like a leaf and relieved to not see his girlfriend in the dining room. { I knew she was there because her car was in the parking lot} I had called and asked him to come meet me in the dining room and he said no that he had stuff to do. At first I let that get to me and was really hurt which quickly turned to anger and I wanted to throw the coffee at his car window, but I pushed it to the side and decided I was going in anyway. I was in there for about 2.5 seconds, no joke. I smiled at the hostess handed her the things for him said it was for James. She looked puzzled and I smiled and told her to have a good day and really did mean it. Heart pounding, hands shaking I stood there and looked around before leaving. I did it. I conquered something I thought I would never be able to do.

It may sound little, but it was a huge step for me. Knowing him he may think nothing of it....he may even think it was from one of his other little whores he has on the side but oh well. I'm on the road to recovery, although I'm not sure if I will ever truly get over everything that happened. At least I made a step in the right direction today......

A sleepless weekend.....

In a perfect world weekends are supposed to be relaxing and "time away" from your mon-friday working job. You may even have "fun" if you plan things right. I'm waiting for that to happen. I probably shouldn't be blogging right now because I'm exhausted and totally annoyed. It's Saturday night and every single one of my friends EVEN THOSE THAT ARE HOME BODIES! Are going out. Everything from birthday party's, to houseboat party's to just stupid wrestling and chilling with the guys night...... and I'm at home with a fussy child who keeps spiking a temp between 102-104 and giving me a heart attack. I have had to run and dunk him in a look-warm bath several times in the past 24 hours to try and get his fever down. Of course this was not welcomed and I ended up being punched, kicked and hit in the face several times. It all started yesterday when I got out of work.....

I walked into the back yard of the in-home day care he goes to and saw that he was laying down behind the slide playing with the sand. I thought it was odd but thought nothing of it until I saw him coming towards me and knew something was up. I got him home and took his temp and sure enough he had a fever of 103.3! Thank God for children's Tylenol and Advil that I had in the medicine cupboard {the great thing about being ocd and always having to be prepared it does come in handy sometimes} I immediately made the decision to stay home. It was my friend Darell's birthday and a bunch of people were going out and my girls were going to be my "wing men" but my baby got sick....and he trumps all!

I got it his fever down a little bit as the night went on, but he woke up around 12:30am crying. I went in to get him and sure enough he was drenched in sweat and he had a 104.2 I was trying so hard not to panic because I know that is high enough to send him into having a seizure. I see them almost everyday at work I think I would come un-raveled if I ever saw him have one. The punch in the mouth I got when I stuck him in the water definitely woke me up! Anyway I was up with him almost all night because he was tossing and turning and whimpering in his sleep. I slept in my clothes ready to take him to the hospital. Thankfully it didn't come to that. He still has a high fever and seems a bit congested but not really. It's so odd! I'm hoping for an un-eventful night.

On a more positive note......I cleaned my apt {like total scrub down spring cleaning} and got 8 loads of laundry done! YESSSS! don't ask how I got that much......because I honestly don't know. I did all of our bedding so that added alot.


J.D. helped me back cookies for the first time today! He was attached to my hip because of not feeling well so of course he had to help. It was fun though. I made a double batch of snicker doodles and chocolate chip peanut butter cookies. Am I crazy for letting my sick child help? Maybe....the "germ-a-phoebe alarm" was definitely going off inside my head{Susie I just saw you role your eyes}.....but I wasn't going to eat any and there was no snot, drool or any other body fluid coming from him so why not? I wish I had a camera to show you how adorable he was sitting on the counter throwing sugar and cinnamon everywhere. Have you ever had a moment where you were completely happy? Were you able to pause and recognise it and come to the conclusion that it was all worth it? Well I had that kind of a moment today when he was helping me bake and blowing me kisses in between throwing sugar at me. It was awesome. It definitely made my sleepless night well worth it. About a year ago I would have been absolutely miserable for missing such a huge party weekend and having to be stuck home with a sick child. But today was a good day, though a bit stressful.....I have come to enjoy the quiet times where I get a cuddle or two and am finding joy in the little things, like baking cookies and making a mess in the kitchen!

Going Home......

The time has come for me to return home.......

It's bitter sweet this time, but I'm ready to go home. I've never been away from Jacob thsi long and it's killing me. I hate saying goodbye, especially to the people I love. It has never been easy for me and I will probaby do my classic "just hurry and say goodbye before you start crying" rush through customs, find my seat ont he airplane and start sobbing.....we've been down this road before.

Returning to NY means back to reality. Back to work, back to stress, back to putting JD in Day Care and the never ending duties of being a single mom. I can't wait to see Jacob but I know that he's going to be mad at me for leaving and will probably act rotten the entire day I come back, because that's how he deals with my leaving him. It sucks.... However, I'm going back rested and refreshed and even more determined to succeed.

Princess and the Toad.......

I woke up this morning and darted out of bed to call J.D. in hopes that I would catch him before he started eating dinner. {New Zealand is a day ahead of NY} One thing I have learned about him since I have been away is that you can not come between him and his food. It does not matter that mommy is 1/2 a world away and he has not seen me in over a week. When he's eating he's eating and does not want to be bothered, END OF STORY!

I lucked out this morning and got him right as he was finishing and getting ready for a bath. There is nothing like the sound of your child's voice saying "mama" and hearing him say " I love you". It was a great way to start off my day.

MM, who is like a grandma to JD and is taking care of him while I'm away gave me the "scoop" on his adventures for the day. One of which included him discovering a baby toad. Apparently he thought it was the best thing since sliced bread and was squealing and having the time of his life playing with it. Boy, am I in trouble. If he is discovering "creatures" and having this much fun with toads at 18 months....what is to come in the near future? I am a princess when it comes to animals and really just can't be bothered with them. {except for kittens} Especially, when they are slimy and really ugly. I'm actually quite relieved that I wasn't there for his discovery of toads. I can assure you that as much as I am waiting for my "Prince" I will not be coming in touch with any toads to find him......even if it's pure entertainment for my son. Toads today God only knows what it will be tomorrow. Oh the beauty of having a toddler.......................

The Ocean.......

Have you ever just sat by the ocean and done nothing? If you know me at all, you would know that it is one of my favorite things to do. I can sit and do absolutely nothing but stare at the ocean for hours. There is just something about the sound of the waves crashing on the sand and being able to close your eyes and listen to the soothing sound that is just so relaxing to me. It is a stress free zone for me, which is really hard for me to find these days.

It has been almost 2 years since I have been able to sit on "my beach" here in New Zealand and just relax. I spent 6 hours there today just "catching up." I climbed one of the mountains/cliffs over looking the ocean and that took about an hour. If you keeping hiking you get to a private beach that is covered in white sand and penguins like to hang out there occasionally. At least they used too a couple of years ago. It's absolutely amazing and well worth the treacherous hike. I didn't quite make it that far because I had the brilliant idea of hiking with flip-flops on and I kept getting stuck in the mud....literally! After almost losing my footing a couple of times and knowing that the edge of the cliff was to close for comfort I decided to find a bench and stay perched for awhile.

I walked away today feeling rested and at peace.....which is something I have not felt since the day I found out I was pregnant. The constant turmoil that has been present for the past 2 years stopped and I actually felt at peace. I found myself being able to pray for the first time in only God knows how long. I have a bad habit of bottling things up and keeping all my emotions inside until I blow up.....and usually end up slamming cupboards, doors or something that makes a loud noise. Today, I was able to let everything out.....and dumped it into the ocean. No loud noises, no cupboards.....just sitting and praying and asking that God just take away the burdens I have been trying to carry by myself for so long. When I'm by the ocean I can't help but do that. Now, I just need to find a way to bring the peace I've found.....and a bit of the ocean back with me to NY. If you have any ideas let me know. :)

This would be the first post

But it's by Susie from Be Strong and Courageous, Melody's best friend/adopted sister.

This is Melody's attempt to keep in contact with me, my sisters, and my family.


We love her son, JD to pieces, and since he lives a continent and an ocean away from us, she MUST post pictures, MUST write about him, and MUST find some relief and therapy in this blogging world.

Because that's what Susie gets out of it....