Loving Your Enemies......geting over the past

I did something today that I thought I would never be able to do ever again.....I did something nice for James{Jacob's father}...sporadically. Not because I needed something or wanted something....just because. I have no idea where this came from. It's not like I was having this amazing day. I've been stuck in meetings all day and actually am fighting a migraine, HOWEVER I was in the area and I got the idea in my head to just drop off some coffee and a little something else that I used to buy for him all the time.

A little history......

James is a manager at a restaurant.....he got the job because I went in, talked to a person that I new worked there and brought him an application. 3 months later I found out he was cheating on me with one of the servers..... The amazing part of the story is that I found out I was pregnant 2 days before I found out he was cheating on me. This restaurant and the people with in it have caused more trauma and devastation in my life then one person needs to endure. To think, I actually got him the job there make me sick. It should be called "The Whore House". We were off and on for about a year after that...one day I loved him the other day I hated him.....in the mean time he kept hooking up with all the servers in the restaurant { I know of at least 6}. After finding that out and realizing those people that I thought were my friends knew all along that he was STILL cheating on me but never said a word when we hung out, I vowed to never step foot in that place ever again and cut off all ties with everyone.

I've been working on forgiving him, however he has not exactly made it easy for me. He made me believe that he truly loved me....that we could be the family I have always dreamed of. He proposed and had me believing that he had changed later that night when I got out of work and couldn't sleep I went over and walked in on him sleeping with yet another girl....with our son in the bassinet next to the bed, he left me 20,000 dollars in debt, broke my heart, GOT ME PREGNANT {yea I know I had a part in it too}, dislocated my shoulder, crashed my car, cheated on me countless times.....{the list goes on but I'm stopping there because I'm getting angry} But honestly, when is it ever easy?

Today....I walked in there with my chin up and smile on my face making the choice to put it all behind me. I was shaking like a leaf and relieved to not see his girlfriend in the dining room. { I knew she was there because her car was in the parking lot} I had called and asked him to come meet me in the dining room and he said no that he had stuff to do. At first I let that get to me and was really hurt which quickly turned to anger and I wanted to throw the coffee at his car window, but I pushed it to the side and decided I was going in anyway. I was in there for about 2.5 seconds, no joke. I smiled at the hostess handed her the things for him said it was for James. She looked puzzled and I smiled and told her to have a good day and really did mean it. Heart pounding, hands shaking I stood there and looked around before leaving. I did it. I conquered something I thought I would never be able to do.

It may sound little, but it was a huge step for me. Knowing him he may think nothing of it....he may even think it was from one of his other little whores he has on the side but oh well. I'm on the road to recovery, although I'm not sure if I will ever truly get over everything that happened. At least I made a step in the right direction today......